Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas.

My hero.

My Mum's Nasty Stare.

I'm proud to have her as my mum.

Always there for me.

Ready for xmas mass.

Inside.

I may appear happy to you.
But i'm not.
Everything's still fucked up to me.
You are the cause for everything.
Lets see whether you will even bother to change.

Life.

Nothing is getting better.
Love is fucked up.
Why must i be in love?
It hurts.
I hate it.
You can think about stuff whatever you want.
You can go and talk and spend time with other people,
After all they are more important.
I really don't give a fuck now.
I'm getting more angry by the second.
I just wish i wasen't even alive, I wish i was dead.
Well thats love so fuck it.
Family is also fucked up.
Everything i'm always the one that get blamed.
Whenever i needed you, you were never there.
I can't believe i bought for you something expensive but see how we are now.
Wasted my time and my money.
Fuck off from my life.

What's hidden inside.

So far during this holidays we have seen each other about 5 times.
Not seeing you makes me think negative, everytime we fight about small stuff.
Its making me mad. i don't think we meant to be with each other.Next year you got your N level, which makes it more harder to see each other. I don't think we even should be together.
We should be on our seperate ways. I'm really hurting inside.

251109

2 months and 1 day is my 16 birthday!!!!
I can't believe it i am gonna be 16 soon.
I planned what i want for my birthday present.
I want a liverpool jersey with my name behind and the number 5.
Hope i can spend the day with you.
I keep on gettting feelings that you not gonna be with me.

211109

Happy 10 months babe.
Nothing can describe how much i love you.
I may not have the cash to shower you with branded items,
But i hope i made it special for you today.
I love you shivasankari!!!

Again.

Not intrested.
Don't talk to me at all.

101109

Job was fun.
Learned alot of stuff, But i ain't happy.
I miss you like hell!
How long are we gonna be apart?
I hate this!

091109

Happy birthday trevor.
My longest bro i ever knew.
You always there for me man.
You always cheer me up.
I always can count on you.
Your the man!

061109

Got a job.
Alone at the job.
Won't be seeing you for quite some time.
This is the time for me to change and be better.
There are many things inside that wants to be unleashed,
But i'm controlling. Let it slowly fuck off.
You are gonna see a new me.




The anger burning inside of my soul.
The jealousy tearing my heart apart.
The sadness killing me.

301009

Had a bad day.
Life sucks.

Forget me.

I ain't myself.
Just leave me alone.

251009

Well nothing majoy expect that liverpool won manu 2-0
Babe in your face!!!!

241009

Stayed at home.

231009

Amirul, Malik, sri and naresh came over.
Had fun.
Starting to walk better.
Started to eat better.
Hope to recover fast.

221009

Amirul, Joel and theodore came over.
Went down for awhile but hardly could walk.
Chit-chat and went home.









Life sucks now.

211009

Today is our 9 months.
I'm really sorry we can't celebrate better.
I really had plans for this day but all of a sudden my health got in the way.
I really feel bad.
You came to my house today. Even though we get to see each other, i feel its
not enough.
I'm really sorry babe seriously i am.
I never ever wanted anything to happen to me.











I owe you a big hug and kiss. I'll try to come over on sat.

161009

Slacked at woodlands with joel, theo, trevor, shane, akka and seri.
Chow at 3.30pm

151009

Went to sembawang.
Slacked there.
Went to joel's house, Chow at 6.

141009

Went to Gym at 9am.
Went to eat at 355 then met the gang and waited for joel.
Went to play soccer From 12-4.30(In the rain too).
Was a fun day after all but still you are not there ):




Babe i seriously miss you.

131009

Finally exams are over!!!!
Slacked with soon kwang, naresh, boboi, joel, theo and Bob.
Went to joel's house, slacked there had fun then went for
councilling at 6 and went home at 8.

121009

Slacked with boboi, his gf, naresh, joel.
Played soccer with melvin and his gang.
Met paala, talked for awhile went home,
changed met theo and gang. Drank and slacked
Went home at 7.30.

111009

Met trevor at 5.30, went for mass.
Met theo, akka, kelvin, shane and seri.
Played soccer and slacked.
Chow at 8.

101009

Today went novena in the morning with dad and sis.
Saw nigel and theo and went back woodlands with them.
Slacked with theo,akka,shane,nigel,kelvin and boboi.
Played pool.
Came back to 355 Slacked there went home at 8.30.

Future.

Life is so confusing.
My future is uncertain.
I need to start anew life.
From all my troubles.
I need to be far away from The gang.

091009

Well today had geo paper, I'm gonna fail that for sure.
Met the gang and babe (: Played catching at causeway
until the security had to chase us out. Played soccer.
Slacked then went home at 5.

Babe once you entered the 912 bus you started to act
strange, are you sure you were ok? Did i do anything?
I really am sorry if i did anything wrong ):

081009

Today was maths paper 1 and lit,
i have a good feeling about my maths
but my lit i am gonna die!
Helped my mum buy stuff from cold storage
after school then met shane,kelvin,naresh,
sri,boboi,seri,akka and theodore slack with them
then chow at 5.

You're amazing.

I never meant to hurt you babe.
After all those mistakes you still
love me. You were everything i
needed but i did not realise it, now
i realise it. I gave you so much of
hurt and pain, i made you cry and
cry many times but you still forgive
me, any guy can give up their life
for a girl like you, I can't believe i
was such an asshole,such a jerk,
such a fucker. You mean the world
to me shiva. I will show it to you
how much you mean to me babe.
I will show it to you that i won't
make any more mistakes, I will
love you like how you always
wanted me too. You make me
understand how love is.


Shiva, You simply are amazing.
I love you.

071009

Went out very early, met shane,kelvin
akka,seri,nitesh,sri and babe. Went to
buy cig then went to 528 and slack.
Waited for naresh,boboi and joel to come.
Slacked and chow at 4.

In my head.

Is it jealousy?
Are they more important?
What am i?
Are you honest?

061009

Meet Naresh,Shane,Maliki,Amirul and Akka
outside school. Slack until Nitesh,Sri and Babe
came. Slacked at 528 Until 5 plus & Chow.

Cool.

051009

Meet Boboi at 11, He came to my house.
We went to polyclinic for his leg. Had a
fun time and good talks. Went to meet
akka at 4. Slack with her, theo and JM
at 360. Chow at 6.

041009

Attended mass with parents at 11am.
Meet evangeline and danker after that,
Smoked and talk for awhile then i chow.
Met Akka and Boboi, Slack at 360 Until
4 plus then went to maha's block, Slack
there until 5.30 went to meet Trevor at
330 Slack there until 7 plus then chow.

031009

Went to novena in the morning with mum, sis and baby cousin.
Came home to change, Meet amirul. Slack with him then meet
kelvin, shane and akka at Causeway Point. Slack At 360.
Gian and Brandon came around 5, slack until 7 then chow.

Thoughts In My Head.

I keep on getting thoughts that you are cheating on me,
I can't sleep well, I can't eat well, I can't think well
Is it true?

What is wrong with me?
I need to be alone.

Fucked Up Life.

What's the point of me staying alive?
What's the use?
What am i good for?





Lord take my life.